Donghwa von 55-69 (~ a written k-dorama ~) ================================================================================ Kapitel 3: ... as if the love she felt was just an act ------------------------------------------------------ When a cold wind is blowing sometimes people forget to ask others to warm them. But if you would ask me I would walk the world to find a place to save you. „You broke up?!“ JaeJoong nodded. Said nothing. Yunho waited a bit before asking. “Why?” “I’m freezing.” “Close the window then.” “Shut up.” “Well, sorry but I don’t really understand.” “No, you don’t.” That was all there was to say. YunHo knew his friend and it was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it just then. Instead he handed him a bottle of beer. “Sit down and drink up.” They ended up sitting in their apartment getting drunk and talking about all the things men would talk about. “Really, women are.. complicated human beings..” Jae was lying in the floor rolling around once in awhile. “Un.” YunHo, as well sitting on the floor, leaned against his bed. Short silence. “What do you think SooJin is up to?” “Eh?” Yunho’s tired eyes tried to fix his best friend. “Coming to the host club nearly everyday.” “She’s lonely.” The younger one really wanted this to be the only reason. “You’re naïve.” “What else do you want me to do? Do you really think I’m that stupid. But what can I do? I’m a freaking host. I’m an actor. If she really does, it’s not me she loves but the one I pretend to be…” Jae sat up. Said nothing. // You really are stupid.// ~**~ YooChun was counting the minutes. // Now she is making herself ready. // // Now she surely left the house. // // Now she is waiting for him. // All this thoughts racing his mind were killing. Painful. Knowing she will be with another guy was unbearable. But he took it. Just swallowed, feeling it going down like barbed wire. He never had imagined to have a feeling like this. Ever. Believing in love this far hadn’t been in his mind since then. Since this moment when he was walking around in his room being sad and angry at the same time. 3 pm. They must have reached some place to talk now. He leaned against his window sill starring outside when his mobile rang. “Yes?” “YooChun?” She sounded nervous. “InYoung-a??” “What happened?” She remained silent for a moment. “InYoung? He left you already?” “He.. is not here yet…” YooChun hold his breath for a moment and took a look at the clock on the wall. “But it’s 10 past 3.. weren’t you suppose to meet at 2 o’clock?” A affirmative sound. “You’re still waiting??” It made her happy to here him that worried. “Yes. He will come.” “But.. one hour? He shouldn’t let you wait that long! I’ll come to fetch you up… were exactly are you?” “No.. please.. it’s ok. I just wanted to call.. somebody to kill time..” It was more a lie than a summer sky is blue. “But…” “YooChun-oppa?” “What?” “Thanks for listening.” “Sure.” She could feel his worries. His anger. “This is important for me.” He had to accept this. He knew. In this moment there was hardly anybody who would understand how suffocating knowledge can be. And who would understand Youngie. He would have been waiting forever for her to come. “So should we talk a bit till he arrives?” She smiled. He saw it. He closed his eyes and was able to see her smile. The way he always wanted her to smile. ~**~ He was there when she walked to university. He was there when she was on her way home. Not that he followed her around all the time. But it seemed like he made sure she saw him at least once a day. He did not come to talk to her or greeted her. Just passing by talking to other people she did not know. Was he really that predictable? HaNeul felt more and more uncomfortable every time she saw ChangMin walking by. But she didn’t want to complain either, ‘cause she would get angry and unpleasant again. It would make her appear weak and he was definitely the last person she wanted to appear weak to. One week passed by and it began to really go on her nerves. She couldn’t take the feeling of being stalked anymore so she took all her courage and walked over to him. ChangMin was talking to some small, unspectacular girl and HaNeul immediately asked herself why he bothered to talk to a girl who was obviously really stupid. Every 5 seconds she giggled while covering her mouth with her hand. The older one could tell from this girls face that she was not listening but maybe thinking what she should find more cute: the faces ChangMin used to make or the way he nodded once in a while. HaNeul could tell right from this girl’s face. So really, why did he bothered talking to her? Whatever it was, it was not at her to think about that any longer. She approached him from the back and tapped him on the shoulder. The strange girl saw his face brightly lightning up. “HaNeul-noona!” She nodded to greet him. The other girl was totally forgotten. “Really, ChangMin… why do you appear in front of my eyes every single day?” “I do?” Didn’t he really have a clue? “I’ve been awfully rude till now.” “Yeah, but you surely thought about what I told you, didn’t you? Else you wouldn’t have come over.” She didn’t reply and he knew he was right. “Why don’t you give up already? Isn’t it tiring?” HaNeul said with a slight connotation in her voice he could not define. “Actually…” he thought about it for a second. “No. You see, it’s important for me…” “That I like you? Why?” “Not that you like me.” It was far to early to be more direct. “That you stop acting all different would be a great beginning.” They looked at each other for a moment when HaNeul realised the other girl was gone. “She left.” “Oh..” “That’s all? You seemed to enjoy talking to her.” “It was quite funny. She actually had no clue what I was talking about but her face was interesting to observe.” So he knew. “Ah.” The older ones stomach made a loud noise. It was just now she felt hungry. “I’ll treat you lunch.” Was ChangMin’s direct reply. “No need.” “Oh I think there’s a lot of need.” “I don’t want to owe you.” “Now you’re being honest for the first time.” He smiled at her and just then she didn’t understand herself feeling all suspicious around him. He was nice and good looking. She should think of him as a little brother. Maybe that would reason her feelings. Sometimes little brothers could a pain but in the end we love them. She at least had to try. “Well, I’m your senior anyway. So… treat me to lunch.” She couldn’t remember to ever see him that happy. He was a nice guy after all. “Noona! You smiled!” “Shut up.” She said with a laugh and clapped his shoulder. You know, I imagined that when I was twenty I'd be an easygoing genius ChangMin decided on a small restaurant. HaNeul thought it might be a bit to expensive for a student, but he seemed to be a regular as some employees start greeting him. They sat down quietly watching the menu. I used to believe that life was simple Now I need a solution that's visionary Like strawberry hair gel “Is there something you can recommend?” It took her quite long to make herself say this. It was difficult for her to start a conversation with him. Should I stray from my daily routines and run away? Where did my graceful figure fly away to? To which star? “Should I order?” She just nodded. The conversation ended. Waiting for the food they kept a silence that was not as uncomfortable as you might expect it. HaNeul started to watch him with interest. He ordered quite a lot food for only two people, but it seemed just enough as he really was very good at eating a lot. She eyed him up to make sure he was as thin as he appeared to be. To which star did the moving music go to? Seldomly, my cellphone rings, I nervously open it “Seeing something nice?” “What?” ”You’re looking at me all the time without eating.” “I’m fascinated.” “Fascinated?” “How such a weak appearing body can take that much food.” “Weak?” And find that it's just another spam message Now my life seems to be part of a trilogly He stood up immediately and walked over to her. One hand on her back one arm under her legs, he lifted her up easily. She was that surprised that she didn’t object and instinctively wrapped her arm around his neck in order to not fall down. “Weak?” The same events continue to occur Should I stop attending to my daily routines and run away? She looked a him unable to talk. ChangMin’s face was so near to hers she could feel his breath on her cheeks. “W-What are you doing?” “Proofing that I’m not weak.” Some others in the restaurant were watching them with amusement. Where did my carefree lifestyle disappear to? I want to find my old self Still surprised about his sudden action she looked at him. She had to admit he was not weak at all. He really had no problems lifting her up all the time. But she had no idea that it was not as easy as it looked like. His heart was beating so fast nearly unable to bear the short distance between them. The sweet scent of her perfume made him a bit dizzy and he had problems to concentrate feeling her breasts touching his chest. “You… you can let me down again.” Every little thing used to make me happy I used to be easygoing and brilliant He sat her down on her chair again more gently than she expected. After that he had to put all effort in keeping countenance. They continued their meal silence. ChangMin thought it was not his turn to start talking. So he waited for her to be ready to say something again. 20 minutes passed without one word leaving their mouths. “You don’t say anything because you want me to be ready again is it?” Which star did it go to? To which star did the moving music go to? ChangMin looked at her in surprise. “Because of you’re sudden action.” “Well.. I just wanted to show you I’m not weak. Maybe I overdid it…” “You’re not weak.” She smiled at him. He felt so happy he could have died. “So tell me.. you always eat that much?” With that she started a conversation that lasted 2 hours. ~**~ Her body felt strange. She blamed Jae. SooJin blamed the alcohol. For a couple of hours she and SeulGi had to bear with SangMi’s self-pity. But it was okey. They took it because they understood her. Hey would feel the same. Seulgi took a look around the Haze. It was not as crowded as it used to be. “Seulgi?” SangMi babbled. And one could tell from her half opened eyes how much alcohol she drunk already. “Hm?” “Searching for that guy?” Her friend felt caught in the act. “N-NO WAY!” SangMi burst out laughing. She couldn’t stop herself anymore. She laughed and laughed till it turned more and more desperate. Why was she laughing again? At the moment there was nothing to laugh about in her life. She was a hostess. She was an actress playing feelings she did not have. She was used to acting that much that she forgot to distinguish between fake and reality. And for short period of time she had something she was missing. And now it was gone. Suddenly reality hit her as if the love she felt was just an act. She cried. SooJin embraced her cousin. It was the only thing she could do in this moment. Although she wanted to say something she couldn’t find the right words. Her thoughts circled around YunHo. She wanted to help her friend but she didn’t manage to get him out of her head. He was stuck in there. Persistent. SeulGi sighed and stood up. “I’m going to the restroom.” She didn’t feel like watching such a depressive scene. She looked into the mirror and saw somebody she thought to be rather beautiful. A nice young woman. She nodded to agree to herself then stepped out of the restrooms again to see JunSu waiting for her. “What do you want?” “Good evening to you too. Say y is your friend crying like no tomorrow?” “None of your concern, is it?” “Well, just curious if you lump made her cry. But on the other hand she is just the same alcoholic as you, so…” “Are you fucking nuts?” He directly noticed that her voice did not have this sarcastic and joking voice anymore. She was damn serious. “What do you know about her sorrow? Nothing. So don’t bother me with stupid jokes!!” “Hey, I’m sorry… what’s wrong, shorty? You’re so serious today?” “With me? What’s wrong with YOU?? Always reasoning that I’m the one that made my friends cry? Are you like that? Maybe. You’re stubborn, singing retard!” “Retard? How can I know that it’s really serious? I love teasing you. That’s all!” “Which makes you a retard! How can you love teasing such a wonderful girl like me?” “What’s wonderful about you?” He laughed. “Y-YOU!” She pouted and then started listing all the qualities she liked about herself. JunSu thought about it. Seulgi was far away from being ugly. He liked her curly hair. The relatively large eyes. The smooth line of her neck. But mainly he liked her spirit. Arguing with her. He was watching her while she was talking about her beauty all the time. “Hey? Mr-know-it-all? Listening?” He grinned and did something he never expected himself to do. He leaned forward to kiss her. Just because he felt like it. He didn’t know if it was romantic or not, but he tended to ‘not’.” As he was straighten up again he saw SeulGi’s eyes widely open. Without hesitation she stroked out and hit him with full impact in the face. JunSu could not react at all. He hold his cheek which was burning terribly and looked at her in shock. Her eyes were still widely open. Both were not moving. Stark and stiff they were staring at each other. Seulgi’s mind was working like mad and JunSu wondered why he did that. But they both couldn’t deny that there was something that changed them in this small moment where JunSu pressed his lips on hers. Seulgi didn’t know what it was, but she was willing to find out. So he grabbed him, pulled him over and kissed him. Deeply. And JunSu intuitively wrapped his arms around her pulling her close to him and returning this deep kiss. It was the first evening they had sex. … to be continued ______________________________ author’s note: We’re back! THEY’RE BACK! XD Missed us? Over two month of waiting but it’s finally here ^^ Sorry for the long wait, but I was deep involved I my un work and off to Japan after that. But as you all can see, we’re not giving up XD! How did you like it? This time the insert song was HaNeul’s theme song: Happy day by Cherry filter. And wohoo~ ChangMin, The Eater finally appeared! *loool* Thanks to the few people commenting and leaving a message in our guestbook! Nice to know that people are actually reading this ^^ and to those who don’t comment but like to sneak around in the shadows: COME OUT! XDDDDDDDDDDD Love to y’all! Shinnyu~ Hosted by Animexx e.V. 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