Xanatos' Holiday Diary von Lail ================================================================================ Xanatos' Holiday Diary By LailaChun&Sanjee Summary: Xan is having a holiday with some pals and his girlfriend Rating: PG-13 Feedback: Yes, please! Archive: Sure, but please ask first! Category: Humor *g* Time Period: Perhaps five years before JA 1 Spoilers: Well, none, but you should know the Jedi Apprentice books for knowing Xan anyway... Disclaimer: George Lucas owns Qui, Obi, Xan & Co. We don't make money with them and we own nothing! Dear Diary, don't misunderstand me! I hate diaries, and so I hate you, too (Get it?). Well, you can be relieved for there are many things I hate much more than stupid diaries, for example my former Master, the Jedi, the Jedi-Code, my former Master... oops, well, you see I hate him so much, that I start stuttering. So... you can be relieved, can't you? In fact, I didn't really want to write entries in a diary. Only silly girls have diaries (as the girls used to have at the Temple), but now Yéna has forced me to write about these twenty days. Oops, sorry, stupid book, you don't know who I am talking about? Well, in fact, Yéna is my girlfriend. DON'T YOU DARE TO SAY A DARK JEDI MAY NOT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? Oooh, I love her so much... she is cruel, she is evil (oh, so GREAT!) and she sometimes treats me like the last idiot (for some reasons she is the only one who dares it and survives it...). But we didn't travel on our own (Aargh!), Etion and Shy'Ta, two of my "Underlings" - okay, okay, somehow they are... friends - well, they joined us. Understood? Well, I don't think so. You are a book. You have no brain. You are stupid. And I feel like the last idiot for I'm talking to a THING!!! Okay, before I go on thinking about it (that would be a great idea!!) I will start now and write down what happened in my... holidays. 1st day: We arrived in the evening. I started the holidays with chasing Yèna, Etion and Shy'Ta through the hotel, because they told me we'd go to a mining inspection. 2nd day: First day on the beach. Nearly died of the heat until Yèna had the idea to take my black cloak away. Used the force to throw the ice cream of little children into the sand and sent the furious mothers after Shy'Ta. Well, now he belongs to the group of people who know what a dangerous weapon a handbag can be... In the afternoon, Etion had to treat his wounds. He didn't make a good job with it. In the end, Shy'Ta was looking worse (I pity him... did you really believe this? Stupid book!). 3rd day: Lay in the sun lazily and watched Etion and Shy'Ta trying to impress some girls. It was sooo funny, how they all fled from Shy's deformed face. 4th day: Lay in the sun lazily and watched some boys trying to impress Yèna. Remembered their faces and visited them in the evening for showing them what it means to speak to MY GIRLFRIEND! Bought some souveniers. 5th day: Woke with a jerk, my whole body red sun-burned. Sent Etion to buy a sun-blocker. Stayed the day in shadow and started to make plans how to have my revenge on Qui-Gon until Yèna threatened to throw my datapad into the sea if I did not stop. 6th day: Went swimming and killed a shark who tried to bite my leg. Perhaps I will send his head to Qui-Gon, to show my former Master what I think about him and his living-force-affinity. Made plans to get my revenge on him. 7th day: Sent the shark head to Qui-Gon. Made more plans to take revenge. 8th day: Yèna threw my datapad into the sea. 9th day: Some very polite people from the organisation STSLF(wdtaMC), "SAVE THE SWEET LITTLE FISHES (we don't talk about Mon Calamaries)", visited me. They are joining their fishes now. Shy'Ta found a girl and the two are always together. I can't stand it! He demands money from me to buy her presents! Perhaps I should finally tell him that she is married... 10th day: Wanted to buy a new datapad but Yèna just had to look at me to get this plan out of my head again. In fact it would be wasted money for she would throw this one into the sea, too. Party at the hotel in the evening. Went to bed early, but Shy'Ta tried to sing, so I wasn't able to sleep until he got an alcoholic poisoning at five o'clock am. Etion drove him to the med-center and had an accident (in fact you should not drive a speeder-bike if you are drunken!). Now they are both at the med-center. 11th day: Used the force to heal them up again. Had a very bad breakfast. In the afternoon the husband of Shy'Ta's girl visited us. Shy'Ta asked when we'd go home. In fact holidays aren't so funny with a broken nose. 12th day: Too hot for staying outside, so we spent the day with watching holo-vids and drinking sorrusian tea. Shy'Ta's nose is healing. In the afternoon it started to rain so we went to the beach again. Etion hit by a lightning. In med-center again. Oh my! Everytime we are walking along the road in front of the med-center (the road leads to the beach) the nurses are prepearing the emergency room. 13th day: Made a threatening record and sent it to Qui-Gon. Was just telling him he will pay soon, when suddenly a voice in the background called "COCOBELLO!" and disturbed the dark atmosphere. Some new boys arrived, having an eye on Yèna. Recharged my lightsaber. 14th day: My face is sun-burned. Sent Etion to punish the owner of the sun- blocker shop. My scar not white anymore but shining in a very neon red. It looks quite ridiculous. 15th day: A mosquito dared it to sting right into the middle of my scar. If I find this insect, I will tear the sting out of his body!! My scar looks like a target. One of the boys tried to kiss Yèna. Activated my lightsaber while she hit him at a very painful place and Etion threw a bottle against his head. Shy'Ta's nose has healed again. He looks for a new girl. 16th day: Limbo party in the evening. Tried very hard to convince Yèna that I was tired but she just pushed me down the stairs. Etion nearly broke his back while trying to make a good figure under the limbo stick. He was very drunken afterwards. Sent him to med-center. Yéna asked me why, everytime I am on vacation, somebody is always injured... did not really understand what she meant with that... Shy'Ta found a girl and I wonder if I should tell him that she is minor... 17th day: Had a long walk along the beach with Yèna in the evening. Very beautiful and very romantic until we watched some beach smugglers. They tried to kill us, so we killed them. Weren't in the mood to watch the sunset after this, because little animals immediately ran toward the corpses. Yéna said we should spend our next romantic holidays on Nar Shaddaa. 18th day: The father of Shy'Ta's girl visited us. 19th day: Visited Shy'Ta and Etion in med-center. I had to pack their bags... Yéna refused to do it. Found very interesting things. Didn't know Shy'Ta is keen on men till that day. ...oops... I guess I will let my hair grow! Yes, stupid book, this is a promise, you can bet on this! I WILL let my hair grow!! 20th day: We finally went home again. I love work! So. That's all. Results: - two deflowered women (one of them minor, one of them freshly married and promised and UNTOUCHED) - a bill (med-center) that reaches from Telos to Coruscant - a threatening record that made my former Master burst out into tears of laughing (bad luck he did not SUFFOCATE of laughing! Grr!) So we went back to our home... minus a datapad... my best friend... I miss him... *sniff* Well, I have enough. No more holidays. XANATOS //Hey, what is this, next to me, on the table...? A catalouge...? Best hotels...? One moment... two first-class tickets? And two second-class tickets?! For... tomorrow... ...?!??// "YÉNAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" THE END Hosted by Animexx e.V. (http://www.animexx.de)