It's hard to be a drow
Erstellt: 17.09.2007
Letzte Änderung: 15.05.2009
Letzte Änderung: 15.05.2009
nicht abgeschlossen (10%)
Englisch
3934 Wörter, 3 Kapitel
3934 Wörter, 3 Kapitel
Kapitel | Datum | Andere Formate | Daten |
---|---|---|---|
~komplette Fanfic~ | V: 17.09.2007 U: 15.05.2009 |
Kommentare (5 ) 3934 Wörter |
|
Prolog Prologue | E: 17.09.2007 U: 14.05.2009 |
Kommentare (2) 336 Wörter abgeschlossen |
|
Kapitel 1 The trials of a second boy | E: 08.11.2007 U: 15.05.2009 |
Kommentare (1) 1937 Wörter abgeschlossen |
|
Kapitel 2 A spiders webs | E: 22.04.2008 U: 14.05.2009 |
Kommentare (2) 1678 Wörter abgeschlossen |
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Cúin Rai'shiz
Hometown: Shirukh
House: Rai'shiz, second house of Shirukh
Rank in Family: Secondboy
Weapon(s): two twin short swords
----Look----:
Hair: medium long and white
Eyes: the typical drow red
-
Xorandra Kal'aris
Job: Highpriestess
Age: about 120
Race: Drow
Von: abgemeldet
2009-05-15T18:32:13+00:00
15.05.2009 20:32
First....this Paragraph's still a little buggy...
^“Yes!” was the serious reply. (Line break)
“You will and must learn to survive”, Rukh continued, “There are monsters you cannot see yet, but you will face them soon. I’ll give two swords, identically to your brother’s ones, to you second boy. Fight well, survive and we will meet again…”
next I didn't like serious reply...it sounds to me as if he didn't laugh at a joke...try "he replyed and his voice showed, that he was serious about it"...or something...
Typing+grammar...
The older dark elf did as he had said. Cúin nodded not really being excited. “Well…“, the boy began, "How long do I have to survive?”
The now lone young drow circled watchful in the cave.
*sigh* you tried to translate common german language (alltagssprache) into english word by word...never do it...i'm sure it's wrong..."Now being lonely, the young drow circled watchful in the cave." is the best translation I can think of.
Suddenly he saw a bright, red point from the corner of his left eye.
I hate the "point"...a point is something small and round...try blot or dot (if you must)
Not thinking, just instinctely, Cúin drew his swords.
gain...common language...mistype...even wrong time used...would change it to...
Without thinking, acting instinctively, Cúin draw his swords.
They were new to him, but he blocked this motion.
What motion? Motions are if you move...if it's Emotion i've to say that something being new isn't an emotion..."He was nevous as they were new to him" is a emotion
^“Yes!” was the serious reply. (Line break)
“You will and must learn to survive”, Rukh continued, “There are monsters you cannot see yet, but you will face them soon. I’ll give two swords, identically to your brother’s ones, to you second boy. Fight well, survive and we will meet again…”
next I didn't like serious reply...it sounds to me as if he didn't laugh at a joke...try "he replyed and his voice showed, that he was serious about it"...or something...
Typing+grammar...
The older dark elf did as he had said. Cúin nodded not really being excited. “Well…“, the boy began, "How long do I have to survive?”
The now lone young drow circled watchful in the cave.
*sigh* you tried to translate common german language (alltagssprache) into english word by word...never do it...i'm sure it's wrong..."Now being lonely, the young drow circled watchful in the cave." is the best translation I can think of.
Suddenly he saw a bright, red point from the corner of his left eye.
I hate the "point"...a point is something small and round...try blot or dot (if you must)
Not thinking, just instinctely, Cúin drew his swords.
gain...common language...mistype...even wrong time used...would change it to...
Without thinking, acting instinctively, Cúin draw his swords.
They were new to him, but he blocked this motion.
What motion? Motions are if you move...if it's Emotion i've to say that something being new isn't an emotion..."He was nevous as they were new to him" is a emotion
Kommentar zu: Kapitel 1: The trials of a second boy
Boar dein englisch ist so ansabberungswürdig xD
*schämt sich im englisch-LK zu sein*
Hoffentlich findet sie ihre kleine Spinne bald^^
*schämt sich im englisch-LK zu sein*
Hoffentlich findet sie ihre kleine Spinne bald^^
Kommentar zu: Kapitel 2: A spiders webs
mehr bitte :)
in Englisch musst du ne 1 haben oder???
in Englisch musst du ne 1 haben oder???
Kommentar zu: Kapitel 2: A spiders webs
bin gespannt wie es weiter geht ^^
mir raucht der kopf meine englisch ist eingerostet XD
mir raucht der kopf meine englisch ist eingerostet XD
Kommentar zu: Prolog: Prologue
Hübsche Einleitung^^
Meeeeehr xD
Meeeeehr xD
Kommentar zu: Prolog: Prologue