Decipher

The first night: Cabinet of curiosities

His welcome had been, in one word, confusing.
 

After having been mistaken for an Akuma and after having been attacked by a swordsman, who turned out to be an exorcist named Kanda, Allen Walker found himself being dragged through the Order by Lenalee, sister of the headquarter's leader. At this time Allen had already met Komui, chief of the European branch, under the intimidating circumstances of one of his laboratories where he, Komui, had lend first, second and third aid in treating Allen's damaged Anti-Akuma weapon - that was to say, his left arm.
 

Even now, while Lenalee was showing him around, he wasn't quite sure if Komui's treatment hadn't done even more harm to him - or at least to his psyche.
 

Whilst the two of them wandered along dim-lighted corridors his eyes followed the walls of coarse stone up to the high, endlessly dark ceiling trying to comprehend this as his new home.
 

So this was where he would continue his path.

And he would, he swore silently to himself, under any circumstances - keep walking.

It was a promise he had made to Mana a long time ago.
 

Still switching between memories of the past and glimpses of the future Allen didn't notice that his guide had come to a halt and so he bumped into her.

"Sorry", he said rubbing his forehead. "I wasn't paying attention."

"I already got that impression." Lenalee shot him a glance which revealed her amusement. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that we're enter the corridors of the science division."

- "Er, well... do I have to be quite or something?"

"No, of course not. I was just saying." Lenalee giggled while her delicate fingers waved a tube containing a cotton-wool tip in front of his eyes. "We drop that off and then I'll show you your room."
 

Allen only nodded, too confused and overwhelmed to form a witty response and followed her into another dim hallway. Not long after the last obscure turn laboratories appeared to their left and to their right, stone changed into glass and neon lights flooded wall after wall. The tense, claustrophobic atmosphere had vanished and had been replaced by that of a giant beehive: Sounds of shoes clacking on stone tiles and echoing from thick walls, voices that chattered excitedly or rattled on about any subject without needing to breathe and above it all the humming of countless gadgets and machinery.
 

"Weapon department", explained Lenalee as if she read the unasked question from Allen's lips. "They need ... um ... firmer material in here." She pointed at the security glass.

'I bet' Allen thought at the sight of what the small rooms contained. Yet he did not dare to ask what these weapons were, also because Lenalee was already tugging at his sleeve to make him come along.

"Don't worry", she said once again reading his face as easily as the morning paper. "The rest is a lot less scary." Her smile was intended to encourage him but it obviously failed it's purpose.
 

"Lenalee, can I ask you a question?", Allen finally managed while they dove deeper into the depths of the science division. "What are these departments for? I've never seen anything like this." 'Probably because Master Cross was too busy hating this place to actually tell me any details', he added silently. At least he could've told him what awaited him here.
 

He almost jumped when Lenalee took his hand and dragged him further along.

"Look Allen", she said, her voice soft and carefully searching for the right words. "Just as the Finders out in the field, the science division does everything to support the exorcists in every way they can. They are ordinary people who cannot fight themselves but who are skilled at any kinds of special fields and who want to share their knowledge for the sake of our goal. They manufacture our uniforms that protect us, the weapon department produces individualized carriers for the equipment type innocence as well as defense equipment for the Finders, other departments analyse samples from whatever may give us hints about the nature of Innocence and its use and they catalogue everything we bring back from our missions..."
 

Lenalee interrupted her explanation to point at the section laying in front of them. "Here we are. These are the analytics and research labs."

Impressed Allen followed Lenalee, here and there recognizing people he had already seen on other occasions.

"River also works in this section", added Lenalee while supremely leading him through a huge but crowded laboratory. "You might remember him."

"That overworked guy who argued with Komui earlier?", Allen asked just when his companion disappeared through a door leading into a separate room.
 

When he stepped in he suddenly froze. The room was quite small but stuffed with all kinds of complicated yet fragile looking gadgets. They had been installed on several tables, humming and blinking in different colors and frequencies, leaving small space to actually work. The atmosphere of a junk room was further enhanced by a messy desk squeezed into a corner with a rundown black sofa next to it.
 

"Innocence Analysis lab", came suddenly Lenalee's voice of wisdom. "They collect samples of Innocence and all that stuff."

"What for?", Allen asked, carefully picking his way through the labyrinth of equipment, trying not to bump into any of it. "What do they hope to find?"

"At the moment they don't know what for." Lenalee said truthfully and chuckled while she approached a table at the back of the room. "There wasn't any significant breakthrough yet. So they just keep going until they find... well, anything."
 

As Allen stood beside her, he discovered a mess of dark hair lying next to a buzzing piece of machinery.

"I hope", he couldn't stop himself from saying. "whoever it is, he or she is only sleeping."

Because whatever was hidden under this flood of hair appeared dead to him and the world.

Completely spaced out.

Gone.
 

"Of course she's only sleeping", retorted Lenalee. "That's why she has the sofa in here, but as you can see..."

She didn't finish, sounding a bit annoyed. "They are a bunch of coffee-addicted, over-night workers ... the whole lot."

She started to shake the person in front of her. "Nova, would you be so kind as to wake up? You got work to do..." and after she didn't receive a reaction: "For heaven's sake, Nova, WAKE UP ALREADY!"
 

Lenalee's angry shout finally seemed to pierce through the dream-clouded brain of the sleeping girl. Suddenly she sat upright, brown eyes rolling deliriously, desperately trying to focus.

Without a word, not even a gaze for her visitors she sleepily turned to the still buzzing gadget next to herself and examined the display. "Still running the test", Allen heard her dreary sleep-slurred voice. "Why'd you wake me up?"
 

"Nova, it wasn't - whatever you call that thing!", Lenalee cut her short. "It was US who woke you up!"

The girl's head whipped around; her half-closed eyes blinked, once, twice, then she spoke: "Oh. It's you. What do you want?"
 

"I've got a sample of Allen Walker's Innocence." For the second time within half an hour Lenalee waved the test tube in front of someone's face. "I thought you would want it. For your collection."

At her announcement the Nova-girl suddenly grew livelier snatching the tube from Lenalee's hand and eagerly reading the data written on its side.
 

"Allen Walker", she repeated. "I presume that's him." She jerked her chin in his direction.

'She did not even look at me' Allen thought sourly.

"Right. That's me", he said only to feel another wave of dislike wash over him when she already waved him off impatiently, sorting the sample into a cupboard which featured a bunch of others.

"Did you get me a DNA sample as well?", she asked in the general direction of Lenalee.

- "He hasn't had his physical yet. Komui took the Innocence sample when he was repairing Allen's weapon."

Nova rolled her eyes. "Just don't forget it."
 

Allen was about to open his mouth to give a sharp response but Lenalee grabbed his elbow and firmly guided him towards the door. "Leave it", she said. "She's just like that."
 

Allen heaved a deep sigh.

The second night: The doll's song

Weeks passed without much of an event. Allen's left arm turned out to be completely healed soon enough and the people of the Order turned out to be nice - at least most of them.
 

His enmity with Kanda had been born the second Allen had set foot into the Order ('Not even that' he used to correct himself silently when thinking of the incident at the gate) and neither of them had made an attempt to settle their differences.

Allen despised Kanda's cruelty and coldheartedness which the swordsman displayed deliberately whenever possible. Kanda for his part had made clear what impression he got of Allen: too friendly and so damn naive that the beansprout (so Allen's new nickname) most likely would not even survive the coming month.
 

And so, on a faithful morning when Allen was called to Komui's office, his heart sank to the very pit of his stomach when he discovered Kanda already waiting there.

Kanda tilted his eyebrow with a disapproving look, which was meant to proclaim his opinion about Allen's involvement in the case.

"No way", he growled.

Komui paid no attention to his grousing. "Stop being childish you two", he said. "You got a mission today."
 

Right at those words, as if on cue, River entered the room carrying maps and other papers relevant to the mission. With a loud thud he threw everything down on Komui's desk making it clear that he did not agree with the current division of labor, which meant Komui sitting relaxed in his chair and drinking his coffee while all the others were working.

Moodily he began to pin maps onto the wall.
 

"Now you two", Komui began again. "We received message that Innocence was discovered in a small town in southern Italy. We are afraid that Akuma might have been sent to bring it into their possession. Finders keep the situation stable but you should still hurry and retrieve it."

He held out two folders with additional information and the boys took them, intentionally avoiding eye contact.
 

"I swear, beansprout", Kanda growled as they took their leave for the subterranean waterway. "I'm not your babysitter. If I get the impression you're endangering the mission I leave you behind, no matter what!"

"If you say so." The bitterness Allen always felt when talking to people like Kanda washed over him like a heavy wave.
 

Once Mathel had been a flourishing place, full of life and joy and beating hearts. But one day people left to live at other places to escape the loneliness of their hometown. Research was based on a mysterious tale people used to tell about Mathel.
 

The tale about the ghost of Mathel reveals that he might be a former inhabitant of the town. Full of hate on the people who left, his face deformed into a scary grimace. It is also said that he kidnaps children, who come near the town, to ease his loneliness.
 

Innocence is found in mysterious places. To gain information the Order researches in such places. If the existence of Innocence is likely exorcists are sent to protect it and to return it to the Order. The energy concentrating around Innocence is so powerful that it might have effect on its surroundings. As a conclusion it is very likely that the so-called ghost of Mathel can also be a result of the Innocence hidden in this region.
 

At this point Allen put down the notes they had received from Komui. Even Kanda's oh-so-kind explanation on the mystery of Innocence had not helped much in giving his thoughts a logical order.

Furthermore their Finder had contributed to his confusion by mentioning that the ghost was revealed to be one of the singing puppets the people of Mathel had constructed to make life in this dreary region more pleasant, and not actually one of the former inhabitants as they had suspected. Like everything else, the puppets had been abandoned as the people left and as things were, a few of them seemed to still be roaming the town.

Allen tried to focus on their task, which said to collect the Innocence and not to think too much about whatever deeper meaning might be hidden underneath, but his thoughts trailed off anyway.
 

They arrived too late.
 

The ruins of Mathel were already flooded with an atmosphere of threat and danger. Their bad feeling increased as the exorcists stumbled across the corpses of the Finders they had been supposed to meet. Of course they ran across Akuma as well. They obviously had already spotted the ghost of Mathel, the doll. Summing up the battle Allen would later say that it was fierce and beyond all he had expected, imagined or experienced by this time.
 

The fight left all of them more or less severely injured including the doll Lala, as well as her protector Guzor. What was clearly Allen's weak point was that he had feelings (unlike Kanda), and so he promised to the doll that she could keep Guzor company until he died. As a consequence he got into a fight with Kanda, even before the remaining Akuma busted their hiding place.
 

"Take her heart NOW!", Kanda barked, ignoring the injuries he had sustained. "Take the INNOCENCE and GET OUT before the Akuma show up!"

"No, I won't," Allen said simply. "I won't do that. All they want is a little time. We can give them as much."

- "There's no war without victims! What does it matter to you, the 'feelings' of a mechanical doll? Are you out of your mind, beansprout?!"

"Then it's on me. Everything will be fine if I finish that Akuma off, right? Then they can have their goodbye." Allen had made this decision driven by his emotions running rampant, by the utter helplessness he was feeling.

It was a decision made to soothe his own troubled soul as well.
 

He did not expect it when Kanda's fist met his face.

"Don't be so naive," the swordsman growled. "What do you think you're doing? Sacrificing yourself for that doll?"

Although Allen found himself now laying on the dusty ground, his cheek burning like an infernal fire, his face bore a serene expression.
 

"If I can save them I will...", he started but was cut short the same instance. What had been sand before had suddenly taken the shape of the Level-2-Akuma. It had gotten hold of Lala, his disfigured face transforming into a mask of craziness over the sheer joy of a successful hunt. From its arm swung the doll's lifeless frame, empty eyes reflecting the half-light.
 

Allen's heart stopped for a split second, just as the puppet's had done after it had been ripped out of her delicate body by the demon's claws. Grotesquely beautiful and heavenly shone the Innocence's reflections from the eyes of the Akuma as it greedily lifted it to its face.

But alike shone rage from Allen Walker's eyes...
 

Parasite-type Innocence reacts to the emotions of its owner.

Allen had heard that already, maybe from Kanda only a few minutes ago, maybe during the battle, or maybe he had always just known...

After the akuma had attacked the doll, he suddenly had felt an unknown strength flooding his whole body. He had no time to think about it, but simply leaped at the akuma to save the Innocence and more importantly the doll.
 

Ever since then a tiny voice at the back of his head kept asking the question if it had been his rage, that had given him enough power to defeat the monster. But even after the fight was over he could not think clear enough with his whole body aching and his mind drifting relentlessly towards the borders of blissful unconsciousness. Vaguely he noticed Kanda laying next to him, eyes turned without blinking towards the half crumpled ceiling, which revealed glimpses of a cold, starry night sky.

Then Allen registered a clear light at the corners of his eyes.

He understood.

Carefully he moved his arm to reach for the Innocence - Lala's heart.
 

Allen did not find out which strange things had happened to make Kanda return from hospital within a few days despite the serious injuries he had suffered.

Not that he cared.

He did not think too much about it.
 

After Allen had returned the heart to Lala's chest he had settled on the steps outside the ruins they had been hiding in to await the death of Guzor and his doll.

When Kanda finally returned he found Allen sitting in the same position as he had left him: knees pulled tightly to his chest, head bend low, picture perfect of misery and sorrow.
 

"How come you're back already?", Allen said before the swordsman could even open his mouth. "I thought you were supposed to stay at least five months."

"My wounds are healed", Kanda snapped and sat down on the steps, ending the conversation before it had even begun.

Allen was for once thankful for his standoffishness.
 

Once again silence fell over the place and in the middle of this silence the wind carried over some tunes from inside the ruins. Lala was singing her goodbye to Guzor.

"If it bothers you so much," Kanda suddenly spoke. "Why don't you finally turn her off?"

Allen did not move an inch, his voice resounding hollow from beneath his crossed arms. "I can't. I made a promise."

- "You are too soft for your own good. We are destroyers, not saviors."

"But I..." Allen protested. Another gust of wind, stronger this time, took away his last words.

It seemed to also have taken away Lala's lullaby.

On the third day after Guzor's death the doll had stopped singing.
 

When Allen entered the catacombs he found them in a position of silent grief, Guzor's dead body draped gently in Lala's arms, the doll barely able to move.Her last words of gratefulness caused a flood of tears in the boy who so desperately wanted to be a destroyer who could save everyone.

The third night: Consolation

The effects of his first mission did not wear off as quickly as Allen had wished they would.

Kanda had gone for another mission. Even Toma, the Finder, had left the Order again.

Only he, Allen, stayed at the headquarter, sulking away his days.
 

It weren't the injuries that held him back - at least not the physical ones. Every night he spent staring into the darkness while something was gnawing on him relentlessly. The marks it left burned and ached until he burst out with sudden sobs burying his face in his pillow. Although he had already left a great deal of his tears in Mathel, only crying seemed soothe the tension that steadily built inside of him, anew with each coming night.
 

He couldn't remember how long he had laid there, trying to suffocate his feelings, until he hopefully passed out from lack of oxygen, but the need to breathe surpassed his need for oblivion every time and when he lifted his head from the pillow, cold night air crashed on his feverish skin like a breaking wave.
 

The cold cleared his thoughts a bit. Not enough to slap the sorrow out of him, but enough to finally quench his tears. Slowly he wiped his face, which must be red and sore by this time, and left his room. He wanted to talk to Lenalee, wanted to ask her what all this was about, what made an exorcist good at his job. Just someone to confide in...
 

At this time of the day (or night) the corridors of the Order were empty. Allen had no clue what time it was considering that he possessed no watch. Yet he assumed that Lenalee was still awake. Maybe she was down at the laboratories where she used to collect the last reports of the day.

As he passed the little cells where he had seen the weapons on the day of his arrival there were only a few scientists strolling around, putting last efforts into their projects.

But Lenalee was nowhere to be seen.
 

Later, in the more hospitable rooms of the analytics department, Allen discovered sleeping people left and right, their heads placed on books, crossed arms or whatever had been within reach the moment sleep had overtaken them.

He tiptoed through the laboratories without even finding a clue of Lenalee.

Then he picked up voices coming from the room with the many gadgets and he decided to look there as well. Maybe there was a person he could talk to; Komui or, judging from the sound of the voice, River or... he would even be grateful to run into Jerry, the cook, just to meet someone he had a little trust in.
 

Allen entered and carefully checked his surroundings, the dominance of unknown technology still intimidating him.

But no one was there.

Taking a few steps into the room he discovered the source of the voices he had heard.

They came from a battered recorder playing some kind of music tape. It was placed at the edge of a table, very small, almost drowning in its messy surroundings and almost accusingly featuring a haphazardly fixed surface. It looked like it was merely held together by various forms of tape and spite, sticking it to the shiny, sophisticated gadgetry in the lab.
 

Allen was not surprised to spot the aloof dark-haired girl sitting nearby, wedged between tools and humming machinery and pondering over a bunch of papers. She hadn't noticed him entering the room.

He felt uneasy all of sudden. She wasn't exactly the person he had hoped to encounter, but he very much still could use some company. Though the chances of having an actual conversation with her were slim. Maybe he should just silently back out of the room and leave her to her task.
 

While he was still pondering she began to stretch, rolling her neck until it cracked, then her always-tired eyes brushed over his frozen form and before he could say or do anything their gazes locked on each other.

She blinked, honestly confused to find him standing there. "What are you doing here?"
 

"Me... I... ," he stammered, feeling caught red handed. "I just wanted to ask..."

- "The analysis isn't ready yet."

"The ... what?"

She rolled her eyes and reached for the recorder to turn the music off. "The analysis of your Innocence. And the DNA sample. You dropped them off a couple of weeks ago, remember?"

She frowned as if doubting his state of mind.
 

"Yeah, I remember, but... look, Nora, I came for..."

- "Nova."

"What?" Allen slightly lost trail of his thoughts, feeling even more unease now.

He should have known that it was going to be like this.

He should have just left.
 

- "My name is Nova."

"Er, right..." He faltered. "What did I say again?"

"Nora." Brusquely turning her gaze away, she started sorting papers on the table. "Honestly, do I look like my name is Nora?", she chided, one eyebrow raised in an angry arch, but it was more a statement than it was a question. She did not even wait for a response. "Anyway, you get your results the earliest next week. Maybe I can squeeze it in tomorrow, unless we get once more stuck with all that Mathel stuff you brought home."
 

She was now talking to the papers in her hand or to herself, Allen seemingly forgotten. "I can't understand why everyone's so hot looking at their DNA profile... as if they'd comprehend a single thing... but sure, get impatient with me. It's not like the PCR takes forever with this tech. I just wish Komui would finally approve the autosampler I've been asking him for. That would make it ten times faster - "
 

Allen was sure he could've left without her noticing.

Still wavering he watched her flip through another bunch of papers, sorting them as she went. He hoped she would look his way at some point so he could give a conversation another try, but she didn't.

Lost in her own world Nova leafed through the printouts, frowning at the results in front of her.
 

He would not give up so easily though. Not in the current state he was in.

He spoke up again. "I'm looking for Lenalee. Do you know where I can find her?"

"In bed I assume." She pointed at the clock hanging over the black couch with a mildly aggressive stabbing motion, while her other hand filched through the clutter on her desk in search of a pen.

Allen followed her gesture and received a slight shock. The small hand approached the whole hour again.

It was three in the morning.
 

"Oh," was all he managed to say. Of course he would not find Lenalee at such a nocturnal hour.

Lost in his thoughts Allen kept his eyes fixed on the clock as if it could tell him what to do. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep at this point. And the thought of returning to his room, alone, felt positively terrifying.
 

"Are you bored or why are you still here?," came Nova's voice from behind his back. She had abandoned the task at her desk and was unloading a round of samples from one of the spinning and whirring contraptions on the workbench. "Watching the clock is probably as spectacular as watching paint dry."

She fell silent again while she concentrated on separating the samples, then finally looked up at Allen. "Anyway, you can stay and watch me work if you want. But I have to warn you: I'm not that spectacular either."
 

He glanced at her, irritated by her tone of voice, trying to figure out whether she was joking, but she only kept looking at him with a blank, distant stare, before she slowly raised her hand to point at the couch.

Allen shot the couch a questioning look then shook his head in despair. He needed to talk and his restlessness wouldn't allow him to sit still, so before he could make up his mind he heard himself whisper: " ... the ghost of Mathel is still haunting me..."
 

There was no visible reaction from Nova but Allen could swear that her gaze had turned more frantic, probably thinking he had lost his mind. And if he was being honest, she wasn't all that far off with that assumption.
 

"Kanda said we were destroyers, not saviors", he rambled in a sudden outburst and began pacing around the room. "But why can't I be both? Why do I have to choose between things that are equally important to me? How can I keep on walking when things are like this, when I have to abandon my one true motivation? Tell me this!"

Anger on Kanda mixed with despair and the feeling of failure rushed through his veins like a cocktail of fire and sharp needles, pricking and burning, driving him mad. "Tell me what am I to do now? How can I go on from there?"
 

Tears threatened to spill over again and he turned around, hoping for a sympathetic look and a few kind words, even if Nova as a scientist probably couldn't relate to his struggles.

But when he faced her again he felt like doused with cold water. She hadn't even been listening to his rant.

Staring at her notes and the various heaps of samples on the table she scratched her nose with the pen, eyes slightly cross-eyed, while muttering formulations under her breath.
 

"STOP IGNORING ME!" Allen slammed his fits onto the next table, making the wood vibrate and the utensils jump and clank against each other. Nova dropped her pen in shock and stumbled back in defense, bumping into the sample cart behind her back and almost tipping it over. Her eyes were wide with shock as she struggles to respond. After a few erratic breaths she broke eye contact and turned to the cart, restacking the sample holders that had tumbled over with shaking hands.
 

After what seemed an eternity her voice, thin and even a bit scared, was heard: "What do you want me to say? I'm not the right person to give you advice."

Allen swallowed the bitter taste that had risen in his mouth. The pressure in his chest and the coiling emotions in his belly now mixed with the stale taste of guilt.

He hadn't meant to snap at her, his rage once again having gotten the better of him. And it hadn't even been worth it.

Instead he felt worse than before.
 

Abruptly he turned away and staggered towards the black couch, already half blinded by tears. Letting himself fall onto the cushions he buried his face in his hands.

The noise of more utensils being stacked revealed to him that Nova had resumed work and he figured she would return to the samples as well, as soon as she had taken care of the mess he had helped create, leaving him to sit here until he had calmed down.
 

However, the silence that fell over the room shortly after wasn't indicative of any of this.

Then he heard her sigh, uncharacteristically resigned, and one last item being put down with a loud clank.
 

He didn't hear her approaching the couch, but all of sudden a second weight deformed the cushion next to him.

- "Allen?"

Although she tried very hard to make her voice sound soft and sympathetic, he detected impatience and tension in her words and he did not believe her sudden change of mind.
 

Indifference.
 

This was what characterized her.
 

"Leave it. She's just like that", as Lenalee had said.
 

She was probably only asking to appease him, to get rid of him, to return to her work without bothersome distractions.

So he didn't answer and her words dropped in the space between them like heavy stones.

"Oh come on!" he heard her curse under her breath and the next thing he noticed was a pair of scrawny arms awkwardly draping themselves around him.
 

He hadn't expected this in the least and it took him a while to recover. Once he did, the hilariousness of the situation occurred to him, the way she tried to hug him in a comforting way, but ultimately just awkwardly held him like some specimen in a petri dish.
 

It was hilarious in the same way it was infuriating. She was just like that, probably.
 

When Allen slowly rose his head he could feel the weight of hers bent into his neck in an act of desperate compassion and her arms still encircling him in that stiff, uncomfortable way. Carefully, as not to alarm her, he rested his chin on his hand and tried to look at her from the corner of his eye. But she had become aware of him becoming aware and quickly let go of him.

"Do you feel better?", she asked, sounding not entirely convinced herself and Allen couldn't help but laugh.

"You really suck at this," he said.